make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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