she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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