but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
