I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
