apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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