i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
