It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
