i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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