So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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