You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
