it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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