saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My bed smells like the plague
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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