Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
