I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
