Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
