I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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