I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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