I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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