So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
