So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
