I wish I could teleport
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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