In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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