just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
