I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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