i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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