The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
