I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My first STD was from a foam party
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
