Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
