ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
