the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
