I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I party with great urgency now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
