then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
