Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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