He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
