I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
