if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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