Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
