remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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