if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
