he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
