she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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