You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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