Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
