At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
