He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ttyl tear gas
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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