Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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