I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Boobs are out for the taking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
