Whats the glycemic index on semen?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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