man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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