I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
