I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
