What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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